I look better un-naked...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
His nipple licking is glorious
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