Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize