he was CRYING into my vagina
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
