watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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