Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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