so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize