How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
