the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
