I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
