I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
