Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
