hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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