Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
