I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
