Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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