Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
