I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sex in a hospital.. check
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
