Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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