Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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