i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
