yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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