It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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