we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He passed out mid-signature
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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