Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
