Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
