I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
