I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
and you fell through a lawn chair
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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