dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
