WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
