Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
