Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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