On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
