the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
