Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
we should paint friendship bongs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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