I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
