This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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