i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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