im holly from the hills drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
FUCK WHALES
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
