I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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