oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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