I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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