Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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