i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
