Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
