Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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