I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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