I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
