nut hugger
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
