Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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