we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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