So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
