I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
