I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
