i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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