how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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