This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
