yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
