arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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