your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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