Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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