i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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