yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
