dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
