and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
