if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize